Same same but different

What's up with men and cigars? I mean, seriously! Suffering through those sticks of cancer because amidst the wisps of smoke they maybe one day find a spark of short lived enlightenment? I just don't get it. Then again, I should be the last to judge - I have an impending waxing appointment...a painful reminder of how the female species time after time inflicts suffering on oneself with full knowledge of it, just to fit into an archaic system of 'acceptable' terms of social assessment. Some may even rightfully call it sadistic.

I have with every year noticed signs confirming my suspicion that women have an innate need to masquerade as suckers for pain. Of course, like everything else, there are the normalists and then the extremists.

Take our life cycle. As kids, we want to start wearing make-up and get a training bra sooner than we give up reading Sweet Valley High and The Famous Five - of course, we grow up too soon, miss out on years of blissful ignorance and damage our natural beauty. Then, as we enter high school, we quarrel for boys who fit our superficial checklists and learn the ways of tactfully twisting the truth because we believe our parents were never our age once. Then, as we grow older, and supposedly wiser, we binge on things just because we can - from food to drinks to extremes of either isolation or becoming social butterflies. As we become so-called adults, we sacrifice aspirations for our partners, families, social groups and what not - to feel accepted, loved and secure.

We constantly through our ups and downs, years of movement, times of laughter and strife, tend to look outwards. Our happiness therefore is not genuine - it is influenced by a combination of external factors, and, even in it's purest form, is not sustainable. I could never gauge why one could not be happy at things they have achieved in isolation - our happiness from an achievement in fact, comes from the acknowledgment of this feat by the social circles we exist in. Therefore, since happiness cannot truly in essence come solely from within, the fact that it's left up to our interactions with elements outside us, makes it a dangerous play - with one exposed to the possibility of them not always being in our favour, thus, leaving us as 'suckers for pain', based on the impending risk and uncertainty that all our actions may not make us smile.

What then does it take for us to be happy? Simple - the average male would say...a nice game, a good drink, and some good friends around - or maybe a hike up the Himalayas to keep the adrenaline pumping. I wish it were that simple, maybe it is. But true to the nature of women, nothing can be - there is complication clouded even in the air we breathe. What then, is the key to happiness? Honestly, beats me - but I do know this, as long as I keep finding new things to do that constantly challenge my abilities; and as long as I keep persevering at not improvising, but improving...I'll always have a sense of satisfaction. And with it, comes a moment of peace, where I am temporarily selfishly happy. 

If I could then I would, but I can't so I won't...

They say with age, we all become set in our views and likes. I'm not sure if I yet belong to the 'age' category aforementioned, but sure as ever, I can tell you now that, if I want my green tea with honey...sugar just won't do.

One of the things which I sincerely believe is instrumental in keeping the everyday human alive in the true sense is a constant need to improve. After all, we wouldn't want to constantly travel, learn, and reinvent our jobs, hobbies and lifestyles if this weren't true. The basic fabric of human nature is to never be completely happy, though we may feel we are, else, the quest for something new would slowly vanish until we'd be stuck in a monotonous rut of a 'today everyday' scenario. 

In today's world, the so-called Generation X of our time, have been so exposed to an ambit of choices that it is near impossible to draw out something concrete for a particular person and ask them to 'stick with it'. The grass is always greener on the other side, even if it's plastic. 

Compromise. That's the word Dr. Phil keeps using as the key to a 'successful relationship'. We may nod our head in agreement, but sadly, it's a term we've not really truly understood, and even if we have, would definitely not consider as a 'viable option' from the get-go. I don't speak for everyone, but as a working (Anglo) Indian woman of today, I find it difficult to 'settle' for something that deters from my goals. After all, for me to set them itself is a pretty significant challenge. 

As per data released by the Registrar General and Census Commissioner of India, female participation in India's workforce in 2011 was at 25.5%. Now, though I don't stay in India, I tend to (as most people do) include myself in my cultural bracket, and look at striving more towards a key stand in society where I believe my abilities are without a doubt completely utilised. For this reason, I will not settle for anything less on the way to achieving my goals. Some may call it selfish, others ambitious, and most, wishful thinking. However, if I can write, I will not stop; if I can sketch, I will not doodle; and if I'm good at something at work, I will not cease to try and expand that - to reinvent. And in achieving my goals, I will not compromise. 

I did face a few obstacles mid-way though, and I'm penning them down as I hope another lady with similar goals perhaps going through this blog someday will have a similar experience, and after reading this will not give up. Many will tell you that you cannot do it, or ask you if you're really serious, and as much as you may want to blame these external factors for your lack of success, the truth is, the obstacles are really from within. No critic is as stronger than the one in your mind's eye. Do not seek for perfection, for even a perfectionist in another's view will be dotted with flaws - it is but a variable concept. My excuse many a times was, the time is not right, or I don't have enough money, or I just can't right now - in other words, 'if I could then I would, but I can't so I won't'. Finally, one day, on my 26th birthday, a few thoughts hit me, about goals I'd set for myself in my earlier years, and that time was running out - what a rude awakening that was. Trust me, the time may have not been right, etc. but I still starting bucking up and taking a stock of myself, one little detail at a time. 

The right time, is now - where you exist, with all you may have, or may not. And trust me, if things along the way are worth it, you may reach a mutual compromise without affecting your goals.